08 Sep TRAVEL LIKE A BADASS
Posted at 17:09h in Travel
- Carry your bags on the plane instead of checking them—that way, you can get the hell out of the airport the second you land. Who wants to hang around, smell the nasty airport food, and congregate at the baggage claim with other anxious travelers who look like a herd of deer in headlights?
- Don’t wear flip-flops to the airport—it’s fucking disgusting. Do you know how many germs you are exposing your feet to? Plus, have you ever considered that no one wants to see your nasty, un-pedicured feet? Think about how you feel when you gaze down at final boarding call and are forced to look at the lady with chipped nail polish and a ring squeezed onto her fat toe. Well, your toe has hair on it. So just cover up for everyone’s sake.
- Dress comfortably, but don’t look like you just rolled out of bed. Have some respect, man. Wear jeans and a sweater, or a zip-up hoodie that’s multifunctional.
- Don’t over-pack and pretend like you’re going to actually read 10 books on your flight.
- Make sure to leave expensive watches and other valuables at home. You may think you wont lose them, but chances are, you will.
- Pack one item that will help complete your look, like a jean jacket, or a light scarf (my personal favorite)—something that makes you and every outfit look wiser, cooler, and fresher. That way, when you’re busy looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror as you are pissing, you can say to yourself, “Hey, I travel like a badass.”
- Charge all of the shit that your runs your life ahead of time. This means your phone, iPad, computer, tablet, and whatever other goddamned piece of technology you’re dependent on. The last thing you want to be doing is running rampant around the airport in search of an outlet to plug your 10% battery iPhone in to make a business call. You’ll end up stuck at a charging station miles from your Gate D99 flight to Vegas, sitting next to a guy with one arm and no shoes who’s drinking a Diet Mountain Dew and stuffing face with an unidentified greasy airport sandwich.
- We will get into Dopp Kits more later, but makes sure to pack any meds you think you could even possibly need in your carryon. If you’re prone to allergies, headaches, heartburn, or have other sensitivities, don’t take chances.
- If you’re a player—which some of you are—pack your condoms, bro? Don’t go spreading or bringing back some nasty typhoon from another region. Be extra-careful sleeping with anyone on a trip—if she’s willing to give you some right away, chances are, she’s most likely given plenty to a lot of other dudes, dude.
- Organize and share your itinerary. Carry print outs of your particulars—everything from flights, to hotels, to locations of activities. You never know—your phone or emails might get erased unexpectedly. Before you leave, email the important details to family so you are backed up and also on the map in case of an emergency. Additionally, carry a photocopy of your passport, and provide a friend with a backed up photocopy as well.
- Snacks are essential during travel. I don’t care what part of the plane you’re sitting in, whether it is business class or the toilet class—the food sucks. Pack yourself some energy bars, dried fruit, nuts, trail mix, and other healthy snacks that will keep you energized and take the edge off when you’re at 30,000 feet above maybe-Kansas and your only other option for sustenance is a $13 cheese plate. Also, remember to drink as much water as possible, as you lose water during flight.
- If you’re not renting a car, order your pickup/car service in advance so that you don’t have to wait around for a cab after a long flight. Plus, the pick up areas are filled with shady people who claim that for a good deal, they will take you to town, etc. Who knows where you’ll actually end up if you fall for that.
- Last but not least, check in online 24 hours before your flight—this allows you to not only save your chosen seat, but it will