10 Aug How To Cut Your Fingernails in 5 Steps

You’re probably Thinking why does this Jackass need to Coach me on how to Cut my Fingernails, any and every idiot knows how to cut their nails. Well, if you knew how to do it or if you were actually taking the time to do it properly then I wouldn’t Bust your Balls about it. Here’s how to properly clip those bad boy’s in five easy steps.

Where to Clip Them:

Choose your place of grooming wisely, because trust me—visitors will not want to come back, and chicks will not be turned on if they’re stepping on nail clippings littered all over your floor. You might even find dust mites telling you to fuck off if you let pieces of nail fly wherever you please. The best place to clip your nails is the bathtub or sink, but this still means you have to rinse and clean up after yourself.

Clean Your Mitts:

First and foremost, clean your hands—whether you opt for hand sanitizer or soap, starting with clean hands is a much more sanitary way to begin, and it also helps keep your tools clean. Additionally, know this: anything on your nail clippers can get into your body and spread fungus and bacteria, which results in infection. After you’re done clipping, it’s very important to clean your tools, especially the blades, with alcohol and a cloth.

What You Need:

Invest in a quality fingernail clipper (remember: buy one that catches the clippings, like the one shown here.) I’m a huge fan of these badboys: the Zwilling J.A.Henckels Ultra-Slim Stainless Steel Nail Clipper.  And no, toenail and fingernail clippers are not the same: fingernail clippers are usually smaller with concave blades to give nails a more rounded shape, while toenail clippers are bigger and thicker with a convex blade for a more square finish.

Making the Cut:

Cut your nails straight across until they’re not extending over your fingers (you usually don’t want to see any of the white.) Start on one side and go 180 degrees across, cutting in a strait line and continuously going from one point to the other. When cutting, don’t apply too much pressure—if the motion requires a bit of tension, there’s something wrong with your trimmer and its blades.

Million Dollar Hands:

After you’re done trimming, mix sea salt, olive oil, and a citrus-based fruit (lemon, lime, or orange) into a bowl; massage it through your hands, working each fingernail at a time, concentrating around the cuticle and nail beds where dehydration and dryness show first. After a few minutes, rinse it off—your hands will look and feel so good, the ladies around you will probably ask what your secret is.