Don’t Fart In Bed
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Don’t Fart In Bed

The physiology of farting: If you play with Dutch ovens, you’ll always get burned.

Today, we’re going to tell you a familiar story: It’s about 11 PM, and you just crawled into bed with your sweetie after cooking a brilliant homemade Mexican feast.

Yes, you’re on her good side. Except at the moment, your desire to do the nasty is being overridden by your need to crop dust the entire room. What’s the culprit behind the late night blame game? In some cases it’s air we swallow, in others it’s the gas produced by chemical reactions and bacteria in our guts (and bacteria love the beans in Mexican food). Whatever the cause of gas, the chances of releasing it in bed are higher due to the body’s relaxed state and one’s dinner digesting. So next time, maybe empty the chamber before hitting the sack—or just don’t force her under the covers.

According to the National Institute of Health, an average person will produce around half a liter of flatulence per day, which roughly translates to 14 farts a day (someone must have written an equation). Yes, this means women, too. They’re just more subtle about it.

Ever wonder why silent-but-deadly farts smell the worst? Those particular toots are formed in the digestion process and are full of bacterial fermentation, which produce pungent gases. Loud farts, on the other hand, come from swallowed air and consist largely of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anus.

Okay, you’re dismissed. Go back to blaming the dog

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